how can we help?
serious answers for a site that isn't serious at all. anything missing, we reply to your email — for real.
questions everyone asks
is this a real store?+
nope. it's a parody — product, payment and delivery are 100% fake. the only real thing is the dopamine of buying (and it hits hard).
will I ever be charged?+
never. not a cent touches your card, the payment clears itself and the invoice never comes. free forever.
my package stopped moving. where is it?+
breathe. it's either in customs, a whale took a bite, or a UFO got curious. check "track order" — it (almost) always arrives, with a story.
I want a refund!+
we'd love to, but you paid nothing — there's nothing to refund. for the laugh, swing by "returns & refunds".
how do I get a product into the catalog?+
by making a donation 💊 — your product joins the catalog forever, with a link to the real one. it's all on the support dopamine page.
who answers emails? is it AI?+
it's Juliana, a real human, replying by hand. zero AI in the replies (with care and a lot of patience).
Trouble with your order?
Reach out to our support — we'll reply to your email. 💬