I want a refund. now what?
first: breathe. second: you paid nothing. still, we took this policy super seriously (we didn't).
the policy in 1 sentence
Since not a cent left your account, refunds don't exist — but there is a completely useless, beautifully documented return process right below. Enjoy.
reasons we ACCEPT ✓
The whale that swallowed your package spat it back out. Happens in the best families.
The UFO opened it, wasn't impressed, and returned it with a note: "no manual included".
It arrived too imaginary — you opened the box and it was pure concentrated dopamine.
Impulse buy at 3 a.m. Understandable. Honored. Approved.
how to return in 4 steps
locate the product
It's exactly where it's always been: in your imagination. There, found it.
pack it with care
Use the same imaginary box it arrived in. Be generous with the imaginary tape.
hand it to a courier
Find the nearest delivery person. They won't reply, but it's protocol.
get $0.00 back
Full refund, instant, and exactly the size of what you paid.
what we DON'T accept ✗
- ✗
Real regret — here regret is priceless (literally zero).
- ✗
"Used" products: they all are. You used your imagination, and there's no undoing that.
- ✗
Complaints about the whale. It's just doing its job.
refund timeline
0 to ∞ business days. Since the amount is $0.00, the refund is instant AND eternal at the same time. All of physics says thanks.
got an actual question buried in this nonsense?
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